Job stuff..

Okay, that was totally out of the blue. Just got a call from the company I have an interview at next Tuesday and talk about catch me off guard It was from the Big Honcho, who is/was supposed to be co-interviewing me next week and he *might not* be able to be present if he doesn't get back to the office on time. SO... he asks if he can give me a pseudo telephone interview now

So I'm sat in the lounge freaking out, thinking I have had zero time to prepare (the upside being that Jake's asleep so best to strike while the iron's hot). Loads of facts and figures were thrown at me, and it appears that the company are a lot smaller than I initially thought (presently 22 people), but after being in business 4 years they have absolutely no debt. (is this normal??).

Chatted to him for about 20 minutes and he appears to be totally happy for me to go to interview without him present, although it seems to me that this interview appears to be somewhat of a formality and they've pretty much already made their mind up. I think if I do okay on Tuesday I will get offered the job there and then. In all honesty I'm not sure what to say if they offer it to me on the spot as I'm not particularly au fait with current interview etiquette. I'd rather feel like I can go home, discuss the offer package with Rob and take it from there.

I went to see another recruitment agent yesterday with regard to some other jobs that she's put me forward for and she was very enthusiastic about the work I'd done with T4J and thought I'd be very well suited to a marketing/PR role where I can extend my creative wings and to be honest I was rather attracted by the thought. Herein lies the problem...

Life's simple pleasures

I've just witnessed the loveliest thing. Jake and I went out the front of the house (a walkway) as that's where I usually go to smoke when it's wet as there's a porch and a covered alleyway right next door to me. So we took his football out with us to have a kickabout (he's really quite good for such a young one) and whilst he was throwing the ball around and running after it he happened to notice that if he stepped in water it made a lovely splash.

So there he was, getting soaking wet trousers stomping about in puddles and squealing with delight. I just stood there watching him, giggling to myself as this was the first time he'd ever done it.

A real champagne moment.

interesting week...

Not the best of my life by a long stretch, possibly the worst start to a week this year. Monday saw me turning 31 being very ill, so ill that Rob had to take the day off to look after Jake as he had a nasty fever and was all limp and huggy (NOT like him at all). I always know when he's really feeling poorly because most of the time when he's not well he just gets up and gets on with it and is a really happy soul, but whatever was wrong was really making the poor little bugger suffer as he was just lifeless. I was laying down on the sofa and he was just laying with me, not wanting to play or anything.

Rob bought me a car stereo for my birthday and finally I can listen to music in my car again. When I got the car at Christmas it had a Ford Standard cassette deck in there which was fine enough, but the speakers were shite and I could hardly bear to listen to it at the best of times. So I managed to fit some 6 x 9's in that my brother had bought for my birthday present a few years back and I don't know what the problem was but the sound was horrendous - SO much worse than before. I gave up listening to anything in the car for a few months and so to get this CD player in was like a dream come true! I love my music, and as much as Rob and I have in common, he just can't stand to listen to my old heavy metal music (i like my old Megadeth CD's!) and my cheesy 80's stuff. Anyhoo, mostly this week I have been churning it all out, much to Jake's delight - he's a proper little rocker in the making and I even have my old 1st leather jacket in the airing cupboard waiting for him; and I'm absolutely dying to buy him some DM's... I live for the day (Rob's juat had to have some for work and shock horror! Even he thinks they're comfy as fcuk!).

Tuesday, well you can see from my last post that it was possibly the shittiest day for a long, long time. Wednesday I spent in a haze of tiredness and suicidal depression with my neighbour (feeling near enough the same), counting the hours till our respective husbands finally came home from work and by Thursday I was so glad to be nearing the end of the week it wasn't funny. Friday we (Rob, Jake and I) went out with Rob's parents to Waterfront Place in Chelmsford for my long-awaited birthday meal (it somehow fell by the wayside last year and I was dying to go back to this place) and we had a lovely time, with the single most divine pudding I have ever tasted in my life (have a look on the menu at the peanut butter thingy *Yum yum*), eating that made all my troubles disappear - just for a short time!

Saturday was a lazy day at Rob's Mum and Dad's, and Jakey had a lovely time helping Nanny and Grandad with the gardening: -

Last night was spent round at Claire's with a gaggle of girls as she was having an Ann Summers party. Normally I'd rather poke hot needles in my eyes (all-female groups make me very nervous) but I knew I had to go and although the rep was nowhere near as animated as any of the AS reps I've ever seen we had fun, and in the spirit of getting Claire a free gift I booked a party myself. Like I said, normally I'd rather poke myself in the eye with something hot and sharp but I reckon if you're with likeminded people (especially the sort like me that don't like gaggles of girly girls), then you make the evening what it is - the lingerie and cringeworthy games can be just a sideline or a small part of the experience.


This morning was interesting. Got up, came downstairs in my usual half-blind state, and when I went outside for my usual morning cigarette I could see one of our cats (Leia) acting very strangely by the back wall of the house. Upon closer inspection it transpired she'd captured a frog and I could see it was injured. I didn't want to just let it go as it had a nasty gash down it's side and also Leia had punctured the skin on it's head too. After gloving up and putting it into a lidded propagator for safety I called Claire to see what she thought. Her initial reaction was to bathe it in some very diluted antiseptic but I could see it was too serious to leave it at that so I set about calling the RSPCA, who said they'd get someone to come out and collect Hoppy at some point today.

So the rest of the day has mostly involved being knackered and lazing around trying not to do too much, but still getting knackered out in the process (WTF?? How does that work?). Made a really different lunch today, inspired by a trip to Ikea on Friday for some knobs for a friend where I bought some of their Swedish meatballs and sauce (food at Ikea? Whatever next). Just as I put the homemade potato cakes in the oven the lady from the RSPCA came to collect Hoppy and much to my horror it looked like the cut on his side had got worse from him trying to leap out of the propagator. Unless I just hadn't seen it fully when I picked him up the cut now stretched right the way across his stomach, the poor little thing. The cut wasn't so deep that his blood and guts were coming out so I really hope that he was saveable. It's really been on my mind today as I hate to see injured animals. I know that I did the best I could for him - I just hope that he'll live to appreciate it and go on to have lots more little frogspawn and tadpoles and name them after me or something.

When the lady left we got Jake up from his nap we all sat down to sunday lunch together. Nothing out of the ordinary for most people but we usually eat in the evening and have a light lunch in the day so all sat round the coffee table in the lounge together with Jake in his little "big boys" chair (as opposed to his high chair) and us flanking him he was chatting away with us, babbling Dog knows what. It was a lovely experience and one I hope to repeat on a more regular basis, especially now he's development is coming on in leaps and bounds.

He's stringing words together now too, "knock knock" for Nanny and Grandad's front door with the loud knocker, and I could've sworn he said "oh shit" on saturday (time to watch our language methinks). "More" and "Ta" go hand in hand as he's learning cause and effect. I just can't believe my son's no longer my baby anymore and is growing into a lovely charming young boy.

I'm so proud.

Crap, crap, crap

Yesterday I turned 31, not normally something that bothers me, but I start to take exception when I get ill on my birthday. I was so bad that Rob had to take the day off work to look after Jake, who was running a temperature and feeling sorry for himself all day (well I guess that makes 2 of us). I love birthdays I do, and as a rule I celebrate them from the weekend before to the weekend after and I spent all day feeling sick as a dog with an arse like a wet racecourse.

You can imagine that didn't please me too much and if yesterday I thought I couldn't feel any worse, today sure came up and bit me on the arse - it was SOOOO much worse

[selfindulgent rant] For the last 6 weeks or so I have been trying to find a job, a big step for me after being unable to work due to mental illness for many years. I have taken each knock back and rejection on the chin and last friday I was offered some temporary work for really crappy money (after childcare I would be earning less than £2 an hour), but the hours were do-able and I thought it might be a good career move as it would get something up to date on my CV (resume). I called the agency up and told them I was interested but I couldn't start on Monday as it was my birthday and already had plans. They said that's ok as there were a few that were starting on Tuesday and we'd just start our training then.

So I hauled myself out of my sick bed yesterday to go down to the agency and fill out all the official paperwork that took over an HOUR *chunder* No birthday meal for me with the family as I was so ill. Birthday ruined.

Anyways, skip to this morning and Jake had me awake at 5am but did go back to sleep(he doesn't normally rise until between 8 and 9am, so with an ill mum that's a shock to the system) and thankfully I did, Rob had to get up for work at 5:30 and after he left I had to get up and get myself and the little man up at 7 and out the door to get to my childminders' for 8:30. I did all this spectacularly well (surprisingly enough as i'm SOOO not a morning person) and managed to get to the office for 9:20am, 40 minutes early.

After showing my ID and filling out all the forms and getting my security pass I head down the road to get a coffee. I arrived back in good time and wait to be collected with another new starter. The bloke turns up and tells us that there's been "some sort of mix-up" and we wouldn't be able to work as we were ALL supposed to start on Monday. Not only was I pissed off about just been rejected for potentially 6 WHOLE FUCKING WEEKS work, I had just had to spend all my birthday money on clothes for this sodding job, pay for 2 taxis there and back (Rob had my car as his was in the garage today) AND arrange childcare at literally a moment's notice, I'd been pulling rabbits out of hats all weekend, and for WHAT???

So I try and get my head into positive mode and think "hey, at least the bad luck's just happened to me, Rob should get all the good luck for hs really important job interview today" - the law of balance and all that.

So I leave it as long as I can before I call Rob at work and give him the bad news. He goes off to his interview and around 4pm (the time that he was supposed to be going in) Claire and I are sitting in her lounge, her holding my engagement ring and me holding my wedding ring and I'm chanting for good luck. 4:30pm THE PHONE RINGS and I know it's not good news. This position had previously been held by a friend of ours that has now migrated to Spain and he knew that Rob could do this job standing on his head blindfolded. The pay difference between where he works now and this place was a lifechanging amount - potentially almost twice his regular salary. So knowing how much this means to our family is just untold amounts of pressure on my poor hubby - which he doesn't deal with too well at the best of times. Anyways he gets in the interview, they start asking questions and he just blanks out. Eventually he regretfully gives them his apologies and says that his nerves have gotten the better of him and leaves.

AS.IF.OUR.DAY.CAN'T.GET.ANY.WORSE...

Rob calls me up outside and breaks the news to me. I'm dying inside by this time and I am thinking that I want the day over and done with NOW. Rob says he's got to go and collect his car from the garage so he's gonna get the train and go get it. So I get a phonecall sometime later to tell me that the brake pads and discs needed replacing and they were working on it now. Thing is Rob had only just changed the pads less than 2 weeks ago, but he hadn't realised that the discs were shagged and that they would damage the new pads.

This has now cost us £110, for what we thought would only cost us £40.

So this has officially been the worst week this year and the worst birthday for a long time.
[/self indulgent rant]

cool picture...

I was inspired to post this by another person's photo blog. I took Jake to the park late afternoon and as we were leaving the sun was setting over the lake and all the Swans, Ducks and Geese were right up close to us so I got my trusty camera phone out and snapped this.

A little background...

I wrote this in a "baby names" topic on a Bulletin Board earlier and thought it might be a good idea to copy and paste it onto here so as to elucidate a little about Jaia, our daughter who died shortly after birth in June 2003: -

I can't help but love my late daughter's name. When I was pregnant in 2003 we'd decided Jake Robert Thomas (all my family have 2 middle names) for a boy, and Tegan Angel Rubina for a girl, all the names except for Jake were after people that were special to us: -

Jake was just cos we liked it, couldn't find a family name we wanted to use as a christian name.
Robert (my husband)
Thomas (my grandfather)

Tegan (after my friend Tina Egan who died) it means beautiful in Welsh.
Angel (her daughter, another good friend who was partially responsible for hubby and I meeting)
Rubina (my oh so precious nan. Couldn't use Ruby as my oldest friend had already named her daughter Ruby much to my chagrin).

I gave birth to my daughter on June 25th 2003 after a very quick labour and as I looked at her I realised that it wasn't Tegan, after setting my heart on the name it just wasn't her.

20 minutes after she was born she died. We spent all day in a mixture of grief and burning to give our daughter a name and I remembered I loved the name of a lady I had gone to a pre-natal aquarobics class with. Her name was Jaya (pron. Jae-a) and I remember scouring the internet after meeting her and stumbling across a more beautiful version of her name - Jaia (rhymes with liar without the "r"), coincidentally it meant the same thing as Tegan, which came as something of a random surprise. Initially we decided against Jaia on the grounds that we wanted to name our daughter in loving memory of my friend Tina Egan.

In the short time that our daughter was alive before the umbilical cord was cut we had an amazing telepathic experience together. Rob, the midwife and myself understood that there was a problem and we had already called an ambulance and were waiting for it to arrive.

Rob was understandably worried but Jaia was telling me she was okay, she wasn't hurting and she wasn't scared. She was so peaceful, and as I looked at her I knew she was a very old soul and it wasn't the first time she'd been here. She was reassuring me that everything was as it should be and not to worry. I didn't know that her fragile little body was fighting for it's life but I did know that she was at peace.

Nothing will ever change my mind from the fact that you and your baby can communicate without speech when you're still attached, and I'm almost certain that if things were meant to be different we'd have been well tuned into each other anyways. Rob and I spontaneously visited a statue of Buddha the day after Jaia's funeral and I sat down in front of him quietly, just taking it all in. I'd not been there long at all and someone or something other-worldly said to me; "Jaia came to tell you that Tegan's not ready yet." I'm a firm believer in the fact that sometimes things are just "meant to be", and although it doesn't make it hurt any less, it helped me to accept it a lot easier.

After the funeral I was talking to a very wise friend and she asked me why we chose Jaia, and I told her. Afterwards she then went onto explain that she had (unknowingly) been named after a Goddess of Peacefulness. I think her name chose her, and it was every bit as beautiful as she, my Jaia Angel.


Fast forward to now, and Jake Robert Thomas is a very heathy, very happy 18 month old spirited toddler with a wicked sense of humour who'd never have been here so soon had Tegan been "ready".

ROFPML

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have high extroversion. You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends. You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation. Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!" Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have low agreeableness. Your self interest comes first, and others come later, if at all. In general, you feel that people are not to be trusted. And you're skeptical that anyone else really feels differently. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Some of those are spot on, but agreeableness? WTF??? I just didn't check the boxes cos the questions were too non-specific. I'm the last person to be accused of being un-agreeable, I'm always worrying about other people... Too much sometimes.

WALO Blx hehehe

and Rob's is just SO on the fence he's just had to leave the room to remove the splinters from his arse (as per usual!): -

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is low. You're a pretty conservative person, and you favor what's socially acceptable. You think that change for novelty's sake is a very bad idea. While some may see this as boring, many see you as dependable and wise.

The Five Factor Personality Test

hahaha

In the wars

Not once, but twice today: -





He fell outside in the garden this morning before I got up while he was playing with his new football and split his bottom lip, then about 3/4 of an hour ago he was trying to climb down the back step to go and play in the garden he stacked it again and gave himself a matching fat top lip too and a coule of little grazes above and below his left eye. Instantly he rushed to Rob for cuddles and wouldn't let me near him (WTF is that all about?), so I set about getting some cotton wool and salted boiled water (ouch!) to clean it up with. Had a change of heart and ran down the local shop for some TCP and Savlon and picked up some Magic Stars for the brave little soldier.

So after protestation I cleaned him up and he's been sitting with Daddy eating his chocolate, making the direct association between the glow in the dark stars we have on the ceiling (left over from our housewarming 2 years ago!), his picture from toddler group with a big yellow star on it, some beaded bracelets with stars and his chocolate ones too. So while it was a sad moment for the Jakester it was a proud moment for Mummy and Daddy that he'd made the connection.

As I was running down the shop I realised I had known this was going to happen by way of premonition. I was in Tesco last week and picked up a bottle of Dettol thinking to myself "I really should get one of these as I'm likely to need it to clean Jake up at some point". I shouldn't be surprised as this happens more than I care to remember but being the skeptic that I am it always comes up and bites me on the arse...

Just called NHS Direct as he's had a few spots come up on him too, maybe as a result of his Pneumococcal vaccine that he had on Thursday. There are a few groups of isolated single or double spots. One on his left cheek, two on the back of his left shoulder and a couple of them down on the left of his back towards his nappy. Did the glass test and it was fine - no signs of light sensitivity or stiff neck/headache so I'm pretty sure it's not the dreaded "big M". Spoke to the nurse at NHS direct and she just gave me the usual "keep your eye on him, call us if anything changes".

Well Rob's been sitting on the floor playing with him (still not wanting to know me really) and he just leant over, puckered up and gave him a kiss - first time he's ever puckered up as opposed to the whole *open mouth* "ahhhhh"-type kiss.

So I was feeling really upset and dejected as he's been totally unresponsive to me most of the day so far; at worst he usually runs over to see me and give me a hug if I've been the one having a lie-in that day, and not a sausage. Anyway, Rob went into the kitchen to get Jake's bottle ready for his nap, came back in and said "come on Jakey, time for your nap - say night-night to Mummy" and he walked over to me, puckered up and gave me a kiss.

So I'm in tears now, tears of happiness at the simplest of things. The sweetest gesture from a son to his mother. I love my family. LOTS.



I just wish there wasn't an empty place at the dinner table cos Jaia would have made our family perfect.

Piccies of the week

So here are my favourite photos from the last week: -This one is from last Saturday when my brother Michael took us into town and decided to spoil Jake. He bought him a nice purple hoody (as modelled in the photo) a grey and purple long-sleeved T-shirt a pair of green crocodile wellies and a Thomas The Tank Engine rugby-style shirt that jake chose himself. When this picture was taken Jake (being a first generation Bazz-ite) had taken it upon himself to steal uncle Micky's baseball cap and put it on his own head... Thug! He'll be nicking cars and mugging grannies before we know it! The Thomas rugby shirt he chose is being modelled in the 1st photowhoring picture just a little further below in last weekend's post.

The second one was from Monday when Jake and Isobel went to playgroup together and Jake was lagging so she decided to gee him up a bit. We'd suggested she go and hold his hand but Queen Bel-Bels decided that in her infinite wisdom and power she'd grab hold of his reins and say "Come On Jakey" and tug him there herself!

Jake and I went round to Claire's and Jake and Isobel were playing with her Mr Potato Heads and Jake's suddenly picked up on the fact that Mr Potato Head has glasses, like his Nannies do, so he thought it'd be funny if he put them on too (or, at least get Mummy to put them on him).

Thank Dog it's Friday...

It's been a funky week here, I'm [i]so[/i] glad it's over. I'm falling apart, My RSI/tendonitis is playing up in my left wrist (thanks to Dad for the childhooh abuse), I pulled a muscle in my back in my sleep the other night and I had to have an x-ray on my right foot last friday cos of a pokey-outey bone just above my arch. It's been pokey-outey as long as I can remember but up till now it's only given me grief when I've done loads of walking. Now it's just flared up for no reason at all, except the reason I reckon is it's my birthday in just over a week and "The Powers That Be"(tm) have decided in their infinite wisdom to remind me that I'm not some lithe little twenty-something anymore (not that I was any more lithe and little in my twenties than I am now) and should start acting my age.

So couple this up with chasing round after a toddler all week I'm feeling pukka thankyouverymuch.

Jobhunting seems to have got me nowhere this week either, Jake's had his pneumococcal (sp?) vaccination and was a very brave boy - so brave that Janet "the-nurse-who's-as-mad-as-a-box-of-frogs" gave him two stickers. although if truth be told I think Mummy earned one of them cos ths was the first time she had to take Jakey into get a jab (she doesn't like them needles), and he did squirm a little when I heard a squishy noise coming from the needle *ewwwww* [i]*shudders[/i].

I reckon it's getting near the time where we start to introduce a potty into the house as he's making associations between the verbal noise "psss-psss" and the toilet. He's been au fait with that for a couple of weeks now and last night when Rob was doing the bathtime-bedtime routine with him the bath was running, they were stripped down (just block the mental images) and Rob was going to the loo. At this point Jake made the usual "psss-psss" noise and then when rob had finished and followed Jake into the bathroom Jake just stood there, said "psss-psss" and peed on the floor. Now most people would just think *[i]nice[/i]* (as Rob did, so consequently didn't tell me till later) but when he did tell me I said that it was a huge milestone - Jake making the association between a sound, a place and HIS OWN bodily function. It was a proud moment for me when I heard!

So like I said before, it's been a funky week (hence the funky pumpkin orange font); Claire and I are looking into horseriding, Rob's been cooking (twice, and not beans on toast either!), I STILL haven't got a job (prolly just as well considering I'm aching everywhere at various points) and Jake needs a potty or two...

I can't [i]wait[/i] to see what the weekend brings, can you? [i]*edit* Who needs to wait? The bloody font size has a gremlin in it already, pfft! and it's not even friday the 13th yet...