Today I officially feel like the dregs in the bottom of the drain. After spending the whole of the morning and some of the afternoon on Saturday hanging round London waiting for Rob's passport we got caught in a few light showers and hey presto! I've got the dreaded summer cold.
Afterwards we went to the cemetery in Greenford to visit my daughter Jaia's grave and to take off my long-dead wedding bouquet. Jake really spooked me out while we were there; we were giving Rob some quiet time at the graveside and as we were walking back up he pointed over to her grave and in baby-babble said something which I could have sworn sounded like "daughter".
When we were finished there we popped down the road to Wembley to see my mate Claire and her family. We gave Jake his dinner and needless to say we ended up staying for dinner too. Dinner turned into lounging around on the sofa and before we knew it we were watching the end of "The Green Mile" on Film Four which was sometime just after midnight. Reluctantly we had to drive the 50 mile journey home and trying to get Jake back off to sleep when we got home was a nightmare, to the point where I had to go and sleep on the camp-bed in his room most of the night. I finally made it back into my bed around 9:30am, Jake still soundly asleep. We all woke up around 11:30am and I felt like I'd been run over by a bulldozer with this summer cold, so indeed Bleurgh!
The snotmonster is here and my head feels like it's made of lead... NOT GOOD.
We got our tickets through for our honeymoon and thanks to a nifty bit of e-observation I've managed to get us 2 free passes into the VIP lounge at the airport, which in this time of heightened security will (hopefully) be a bit quieter and a LOT more comfortable.
Since Friday I have been reading a book called "Basics of Buddhism". I won't go into the long story of it (too ill and can't be arsed) but something I read in it the other day links back to a massive spiritual experience I had about 3 years ago and loads of things clicked into place. Suffice to say that back then I was given a message which, upon reading this book translates into one of the main Buddhist meditation chants, "Nam Myoho Renge Kyo" - otherwise known as the heart of the Lotus. I hope I can keep my head into this book as things are making sense after a long spiritual drought, mostly caused by having no time to call my own. I have the 4 and a half hour flight each way, and hopefully a bit of time while we're on holiday so I'd really like to finish it.
It's Rob's birthday on Friday, I wonder what 32 feels like(?!?), probably the same as 31 and 30 I suppose but with a few more grey hairs eh? We're off out for a curry with his Mum and Dad on his actual birthday and hopefully if our friend comes through with some tickets we'll be off to "V" with a couple of day passes for Saturday or Sunday. Failing that we've got Martin (Rob's best man) coming over for the day on Saturay, which will be cool whatever we do. Have to go into town today to get Rob's birthday card - hehehe first "hubby" one, it's gonna wig me out cos it sounds like I'm all grown up and stuff (which clearly I'm not). I still feel like I'm a little kid playing in the "big kids" playground - marriage, mortgage, kids etc., I feel like such a fraud!
Anyway, I've rambled on enough for now - I just thought I'd better post something as it's been nearly a week and I've said nothing on here. Hopefully I'll be feeling better before we go away; 3 days coming, 3 days here, 3 days leaving is what they say I think...
Wish me luck (lol I'd originall typo-ed "wish me muck", sounds about right!).
Today's post was brought to you in snotmonster bogey Green.
*Sniff*
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Thursday, August 10, 2006
*Excited*
Well we've finally gone and booked our honeymoon and I'm SOOOOOO excited! We're off to Egypt for a week and we're going to learn to scuba dive. We're staying in Sharm El Sheikh, about 10 minutes away from Naama Bay at the Ocean Club Hotel - have a look here:- http://www.explorers.co.uk/HotelHome.aspx?HotelID=10
First we have to pass all the indoor training, which is at the Ocean Diving College in the resort. They have a classroom and use one of the Hotel's pools for the practical tuition. From what I can gather there are about 4 open water sites they use and we'll probably visit 2 or 3, provided we pass the first part of the course. The ones I know the name of are "Temple" and "Fiddle Garden"(!) which is supposed to be somewhere between "Far-" and "Middle Garden".
I've been having a look at the "dive sites - new" section on www.sinaidivers.com and they are quite far apart, which means with any luck we'll get to see loads of different type of sealife in each different site (can you tell I'm a complete novice?!!). Gonna do a bit more research later about Red Sea marine life, but so far I've found out that we'll quite likely be seeing some Parrotfish, Napoleon Wrasse (whatever they are, one armed and smelling of garlic maybe?!) and as cheesily posted on the website, we'll probably bump into some "Nemo's" (aka Clownfish if you're feeling particularly stupid today). Will definitely be investing in some underwater disposable cameras and if we are lucky enough to see one I'm going to do my best to get a piccy for Bel-Bel (Laney's daughter/our bridesmaid) as she's Nemo-mad!
The best bit about all this is that we don't have long to wait - we leave in 16 days!
Rob starts his new job on the Monday after we get back which will be good too. Last night we also booked our annual £9.50 holiday-out-of-the-paper. Last year we went down to Devon for my 30th birthday, and despite us having a lovely time, for the sake of a long weekend we really didn't fancy a 7 hour drive with a restless toddler. Next year (we're going for the weekend after Jake's 2nd birthday) we're making a considerably shorter journey to Clacton-on-Sea; which I haven't visited since the days of the annual seaside day trips I used to be taken on when my Grandad worked for the BOC over 25 years ago!
Anyway, enough for now - I could go on excitedly for ages and there's a million and one things I need to do before Jake wakes up (makes mental not not to waste too much time on Boing).
Today was brought to you by the letters O and K and by the excitable colour Teal.
Peas.
L
xx
First we have to pass all the indoor training, which is at the Ocean Diving College in the resort. They have a classroom and use one of the Hotel's pools for the practical tuition. From what I can gather there are about 4 open water sites they use and we'll probably visit 2 or 3, provided we pass the first part of the course. The ones I know the name of are "Temple" and "Fiddle Garden"(!) which is supposed to be somewhere between "Far-" and "Middle Garden".
I've been having a look at the "dive sites - new" section on www.sinaidivers.com and they are quite far apart, which means with any luck we'll get to see loads of different type of sealife in each different site (can you tell I'm a complete novice?!!). Gonna do a bit more research later about Red Sea marine life, but so far I've found out that we'll quite likely be seeing some Parrotfish, Napoleon Wrasse (whatever they are, one armed and smelling of garlic maybe?!) and as cheesily posted on the website, we'll probably bump into some "Nemo's" (aka Clownfish if you're feeling particularly stupid today). Will definitely be investing in some underwater disposable cameras and if we are lucky enough to see one I'm going to do my best to get a piccy for Bel-Bel (Laney's daughter/our bridesmaid) as she's Nemo-mad!
The best bit about all this is that we don't have long to wait - we leave in 16 days!
Rob starts his new job on the Monday after we get back which will be good too. Last night we also booked our annual £9.50 holiday-out-of-the-paper. Last year we went down to Devon for my 30th birthday, and despite us having a lovely time, for the sake of a long weekend we really didn't fancy a 7 hour drive with a restless toddler. Next year (we're going for the weekend after Jake's 2nd birthday) we're making a considerably shorter journey to Clacton-on-Sea; which I haven't visited since the days of the annual seaside day trips I used to be taken on when my Grandad worked for the BOC over 25 years ago!
Anyway, enough for now - I could go on excitedly for ages and there's a million and one things I need to do before Jake wakes up (makes mental not not to waste too much time on Boing).
Today was brought to you by the letters O and K and by the excitable colour Teal.
Peas.
L
xx
Friday, August 04, 2006
Twice in one night? Whatever next???
As I mentioned earlier, my fridge is now proudly sporting Jake's first drawing, titled "Wet Thursday". It's an interesting subjective-abstract piece where the artist has used a mixed media of wax crayon and coloured pencil to create a veritable plethora of emotion using various drawing styles and colouring techniques. Upon close examination you can almost feel his frustration at being kept indoors, the howling wind outside echoing his own cabin-fevered cries which make their mark on the paper. Ahem. Proud mother? Me? Never! Was interesting keeping his hands on the paper though, and not on all the furniture. Well, I like it anyway!
This message was brought to you in beaming yellow...
And so arrives the weekend...
Not before time I can tell you! This week has dragged on longer than an omnibus of Hollyoaks. Thought I was going to get a bit of time to write some time to have a proper chat with myself on here, but it seems Jake's got other ideas as he's now awake and expecting his lunch so I'll have to keep this fairly brief.
Rob's finally handed in his notice at work today, so I think he'll be glad to see 5:30. With this being his first major job move I expect emotions are running high in the office for him right now.
In other news Jake's done his first drawing, which I'll scan and post when I get onto the other pooter (this one isn't hooked up to the scanner, and t'other one isn't hooked up to t'internet), along with a nice little critique ;o)
Anyhoo, best be off. Places to go, people to see and children to feed...
Today is...... lilac. Calmly sliding in to the weekend.
Laters
Rob's finally handed in his notice at work today, so I think he'll be glad to see 5:30. With this being his first major job move I expect emotions are running high in the office for him right now.
In other news Jake's done his first drawing, which I'll scan and post when I get onto the other pooter (this one isn't hooked up to the scanner, and t'other one isn't hooked up to t'internet), along with a nice little critique ;o)
Anyhoo, best be off. Places to go, people to see and children to feed...
Today is...... lilac. Calmly sliding in to the weekend.
Laters
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Grey Day, *literally*.
The weekend's over, the next one isn't even remotely in sight and I'm bored of this week already. Welcome to "Comedown Tuesday." Rant, blah and buggeration xo(
Rob got offered a new job yesterday and I know I'm supposed to be feeling happy, somehow I'm not. I've spent the last three years telling him to leave because the pay's crap, they really take advantage of his nature (they have zero people skills) and for I don't know how long they've been making loads of grand promises they never keep. This DOESN'T exactly make for a happy working environment and I know it's been taking it's toll on our relationship.
What makes the whole situation worse is that now he's finally taking the leap I can't help but feel sorry for myself cos he's going to have to do shiftwork. I feel really selfish and guilty because of the way I feel.
I know that marriages are all about give and take, and parenthood is about giving unconditionally; I just kind of feel that I'm going to be doing a lot of giving for not a whole lot to keep me topped up in return. I suppose that I should be feeling grateful that I have a loving husband that thinks nothing about slogging his guts out for 40-50 hours a week AND that doesn't spend all his home time moaning about it. Here i am, the ingrate, sitting here feeling sorry for myself cos I feel like I haven't got a life of my own.
That's not *strictly* true. I guess that right now I don't have a say in what path my life takes; being such an independant person I hate feeling so reliant on someone else and it just doesn't sit comfortably with me. I hate not having money to call my own, I hate not being able to make decisions about my own life because I have to just take the last pickings from the table and support everyone else.
I feel like I have no control over my life at the moment, I have no decisions to make for myself, the most flexible my days are (decision-wise) is "what baby group is Jake going to today?" I remember a time when I was bored (oh for boredom itself!), I'd just get up and sign up for a college course. Now I have no money to call my own I can't do that. I can't remember a time when I could make a decision for myself but I know that it was pre-Jake.
Pathetic, isn't it? I'm supposed to be happy right now. I've got a beautiful (if somewhat stroppy) toddler, I got married to the most wonderful man in the world only a month ago and we own our own home - so why do I feel so down...
I need to take some time out for me (heh!) and try and rediscover my happy place.
I reckon that's half the problem. I was really looking forward to going away with my friend for some child-free, responsibility-free time where I was planning on re-grouping, re-focusing and re-centering myself and coming back feeling refreshed. Due to circumstances beyond our control she had to cancel and I guess it's hit me like a tonne of bricks. There seemed to be a light at the end of the tunnel and now there's been an extension stuck onto the the end of indiscernible length.
Today, is not a good day.
Rob got offered a new job yesterday and I know I'm supposed to be feeling happy, somehow I'm not. I've spent the last three years telling him to leave because the pay's crap, they really take advantage of his nature (they have zero people skills) and for I don't know how long they've been making loads of grand promises they never keep. This DOESN'T exactly make for a happy working environment and I know it's been taking it's toll on our relationship.
What makes the whole situation worse is that now he's finally taking the leap I can't help but feel sorry for myself cos he's going to have to do shiftwork. I feel really selfish and guilty because of the way I feel.
I know that marriages are all about give and take, and parenthood is about giving unconditionally; I just kind of feel that I'm going to be doing a lot of giving for not a whole lot to keep me topped up in return. I suppose that I should be feeling grateful that I have a loving husband that thinks nothing about slogging his guts out for 40-50 hours a week AND that doesn't spend all his home time moaning about it. Here i am, the ingrate, sitting here feeling sorry for myself cos I feel like I haven't got a life of my own.
That's not *strictly* true. I guess that right now I don't have a say in what path my life takes; being such an independant person I hate feeling so reliant on someone else and it just doesn't sit comfortably with me. I hate not having money to call my own, I hate not being able to make decisions about my own life because I have to just take the last pickings from the table and support everyone else.
I feel like I have no control over my life at the moment, I have no decisions to make for myself, the most flexible my days are (decision-wise) is "what baby group is Jake going to today?" I remember a time when I was bored (oh for boredom itself!), I'd just get up and sign up for a college course. Now I have no money to call my own I can't do that. I can't remember a time when I could make a decision for myself but I know that it was pre-Jake.
Pathetic, isn't it? I'm supposed to be happy right now. I've got a beautiful (if somewhat stroppy) toddler, I got married to the most wonderful man in the world only a month ago and we own our own home - so why do I feel so down...
I need to take some time out for me (heh!) and try and rediscover my happy place.
I reckon that's half the problem. I was really looking forward to going away with my friend for some child-free, responsibility-free time where I was planning on re-grouping, re-focusing and re-centering myself and coming back feeling refreshed. Due to circumstances beyond our control she had to cancel and I guess it's hit me like a tonne of bricks. There seemed to be a light at the end of the tunnel and now there's been an extension stuck onto the the end of indiscernible length.
Today, is not a good day.
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